There is something about me that I have not exactly kept hidden, but I’ve kind of downplayed it. Whenever I say this out loud, I tend to try to soften it. I will say something like “present company excepted”, or “but I don’t mean YOU”, or any similar words that are intended to soften what I truly feel inside.
I don’t think I’m going to do that now.
What I will say is that I’ve always been this way, so I’m not telling you anything new, and everything that I’ve said in the past I still mean. I meant the post series I wrote about love and belonging, I meant the posts about loving certain parts about Japanese culture, I even meant the posts about admiring certain idols. Hell, I saw a woman named Anuurai on a British Quiz Show the other day who was the most adorable woman ever! I mean all of that.
But I also mean it when I say I don’t like people. And more accurately, I don’t respect them.
I’m not going to say something like “If you’re reading this blog, you’re the exception” because you’re not. You might be a very nice person, and I’ll even stipulate to that. I still probably don’t much like you. As they say in dating circles, it’s not you, it’s me.
Obviously, this isn’t entirely a bad thing. Because of this, I am able to say things that might be offensive to people, and it doesn’t much bother me. I’m able to say truth without regard to feeling, and that doesn’t much bother me, either. I’m able to accept rejection with aplomb, because in my mind, I’ve already done the rejection, and I don’t have to pretend anymore.
But, this isn’t entirely a good thing, either. People aren’t stupid, as much as I might think so sometimes. They can tell. I probably don’t have to say it here for you to have already known that. You might read and hang around anyway because maybe you still need (or want) to hear the “truths” that I have to say, but at the end of the day, you’d probably say “this guy has some good things to say but I wouldn’t wanna meet him”. And I wouldn’t blame you.
Because I don’t like myself any more than I like anyone else.
Why am I telling you this?
I think I’m telling you this because I’m tired of pretending. Maybe you might even value it, though maybe not. Because of this, the one thing that you can absolutely rely on me for is honesty. If I think something is so, I’ll say it, and if I don’t think something is so, I won’t say it. So if you come here, and continue reading, you’ll get a dose of “tough love”, for want of a better word. Maybe it won’t be delivered in the most loving and politic way, but it’ll be honest, and it might even be valuable. That’s something, anyway.
Will this change someday? Maybe it will. And I’ll be sure to tell you if it does. But until then, that’s just how it is. If you want to keep reading, please, be my guest. Just because I’m not particularly loving doesn’t mean I don’t have good or valuable things to say, and I’m not going to go off the deep end and start insulting everyone. That’s not who I am either. But, like I said. I’m just tired of pretending I’m a really nice and loving guy when I’m anything but. I’m a gruff curmudgeon who doesn’t suffer fools gladly, and who isn’t a fool at the end of the day?
Thanks for reading, fwiw.