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There are times when I hate writing this blog.

No, I like to write, that’s not the problem. In fact, I have probably a half dozen drafts sitting in the “draft” section that may never see the light of day. Some are pretty deep, some are pretty personal, some just aren’t the kind of quality I want. I write them, then I look at them, I click the “save draft” button, and you’ll probably never see them.

The honest truth is, I want to share them. I really do. I started writing a post this morning on a pretty deep philosophical subject, and I, at least, find it interesting. But who else does, really? In fact, all it dose it cause strife. I posted a metaphysical, philosophical thought to my Facebook page, and someone I know got offended at what I was writing because they missed the point. It triggered some kind of emotional reaction, and at that point, I promised myself and my Facebook friends they would never see another metaphysical post from me. And they haven’t. Now it’s pictures of food, pictures of my cat, funny things that happened to me, and it’s… cheaper, now. I’ve been censored, even if it’s just me censoring myself, because my thoughts are too weird, too strange, too different, too deep for people whom I otherwise consider friends to understand.

I want to share it. I want to tell y’all how I feel about some pretty deep topics, some that might make you uncomfortable, some that might even hurt. But why do that, when experience tells me very few will even understand, or not see the heart beyond what I’m saying, not see the hope I’m trying, and failing, to offer?

No, better posting about some obscure aspect of Japanese culture that is only marginally interesting to me but that others eat up.

I did this to myself. I always do this to myself. I try to create a themed blog that talks about a specific topic, and I never want to keep to that topic, because that topic starts out interesting and leads to other topics, that leads to other topics, and then I’m talking about metaphysical stuff that I find fascinating and others… well, it’s like that scene from “Back to the Future” where Marty’s shredding on the guitar and all the 1950s teens are just staring at him like he grew a second head. “Your kids are gonna LOVE this”. I can’t keep a themed blog. I just can’t. I’ve tried, but I can’t. My thoughts are too varied.

I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. I know this is my blog, I know I can post what I want, and I know I can pull the trigger on several drafts and let the chips fall where they may. But what’s the point, if all it ever does is cause consternation?

You know the worst part? I’m going to tag this “blogging” and probably get ten new followers. And the way WordPress works, I have no idea if they’ve even read it. Maybe I’ll just write a book and say screw this.

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