What would I do differently in my Japanese journey?
Maybe not try at all? Well, maybe, but there’s more to it than that.
When I first started Japanese, I didn’t really know why I was doing it. I still am not entirely sure, but I think it kind of came down to being my way of dealing with some issues that I was going through at the time. I think I learned Japanese for much the same reason I started the Lily project. There was something about that world that attracted me a great deal, and I had to figure out how to integrate it. With Japanese and Japan, there was something about it that really attracted me, even though I couldn’t quite articulate it. Same thing with Lily’s world, you know, the world of sisters and fun and all that stuff.
Maybe it’s because my first (significant) exposure to Japanese and Japanese culture was idol culture, so maybe they’re even more related than I first thought.
Anyway, I have this tendency when first getting into something to inflict it on everyone I meet. It’s either a personality characteristic of mine (to be neutral) or a personality flaw (to be more accurate, I suppose). I go full bore into something until I lose interest, then I move on to something else. But I haven’t moved on from either Japanese or Lily, though I’ve come close a couple of times.
I don’t know how I could have done anything differently in my Japanese journey, knowing me, how I was, and how I am, and it’s very possible I’d do the same thing all over again. But setting that aside, what I think I’d do differently is try to find a reason before even learning one single word.
I’ve been studying Japanese since 2018. That’s six years. And I’m barely at the level of passing N5 (though I am at that level), even though I know a lot of about the culture and can be horribly annoying about it. This, to me, is prima facie evidence that I was just in it for the culture and didn’t really take my studies seriously.
And that, I think, has been my biggest mistake.
I got into something that was so difficult that I didn’t know how to advance in it.
The problem is not that it’s difficult. I’m smart. I can do difficult things. The problem is, I never actually learned how to study. Most things come so easily to me that when something doesn’t, it gets frustrating very easily, and I tend to drop it. I never really learned how to study, how to practice, how to learn, because i never really had to. Music (piano) and Japanese are the two things I’ve studied that I never really learned how to actually get good at because they don’t come easily. Well, some aspects do, I guess, but not all of them.
I didn’t know what I was getting into.
That’s what I’d do differently. Not go so full bore into it that I end up knee deep in something I don’t know how to progress in before I know what happened.
And then the other thing I’d do differently: not tell the world about it. Not start this blog, not try to talk to Japanese people, not tell my coworkers or family.. that was my other, massive mistake. Starting this blog was a mistake. Telling other people about my studies was a mistake. Because, truthfully, that only ever led to shame and embarrassment.
Truthfully, Japanese was a mistake. But here I am. It’s a sunk cost, and I’m not ready to give it up just yet. Some mistakes can lead to good things.