I have tried to write several posts over the past week, and have failed with each one What I wanted to say wasn’t working.
I also was listening to a few lectures by Leonard Nimoy. He had some very interesting things to say about his acting career, and one that struck me was something he said about a role he played as a young man. I don’t remember the role, but it was something that really resonated with him. He said “It gave me a voice when I was struggling to find mine”.
And I realized that this blog, my learning Japanese (to a degree), the other projects I’ve created, have all been an attempt to find my voice, and mostly failing.
This blog has been an abject failure at that.
However, my “Lily project” has not. She is the first attempt I’ve made to find my voice that is actually working, even if just a little bit, and she is a fictional sixteen year old girl who is the opposite of me in nearly every conceivable way. But through her, I’ve found my voice, I’ve found a way to express things that I haven’t been able to express in any other way.
That’s what poetry, music, and art is for. And Lily is art.
So I’m doubly certain this blog is getting retired at some point in the near future. I haven’t found my voice here. But I have some other ideas for ways that it can be better expressed. It’s not that I have nothing to say, it’s that this blog isn’t the way to express it any further, and every time I post here, it just becomes more and more clear to me. It’s unfortunate. But I don’t see any way around it.