I have been fighting with myself over the content of this post for over a day now. So, rather than try to force myself into a mold, I’m going to make this post about the difficulties of being a blogger. Or at least, a blogger while having my particular personality.
I know, on paper, what it takes to be a successful blogger and/or entertainer. It’s summed up as “give the people what they want”. I would figure out what you guys/gals/eh would like to see, and then provide it. I’m sure that if I were to do more posts on Japanese language, Japanese culture, and Japanese everything, y’all would be all over it. And rightly so, as that’s what I’ve kind of advertised this blog as! Quite frankly, it’s what I intend this blog as, so it’s not unreasonable for you to expect that out of me.
Often I sit down at this computer, or whip out my phone (excuse me while I.. whip this out) and I have in mind that I’m going to write a great post about something Japanese, and y’all will love it and follow me and comment and everything will be just great. But what ends up happening is… this. And the last few posts.
Objectively, the last six or so posts were an abject disaster for this blog, and if I knew what was good for me they never would have seen the light of day. No one wants to read a four part treatise on the nature of love and false relationship. I know this, and I knew it when I was writing it. But generally, I didn’t care, because this is my blog. I wrote it, I published it, and I’m pretty proud of what I wrote. At least by my standards, they rank among the best posts I’ve ever written to this blog.
And they’ll probably destroy it, if that hasn’t happened already.
I’m a great philosopher, and an absolutely rotten blogger.
A lot of the conflict I experience when writing this blog is the fact that I am aware that I have a very unique personality. I’ve never been able to take things lightly. Perhaps it is how I was raised, the environment I was raised in, just how I’m made, or a combination of the three and add in a sprinkling of some kind of spectrum I was never diagnosed with. I don’t know. But I am just simply not capable of putting out the kind of content that would make this blog successful. I can’t raise myself up to the level of frivolity required. It’s just not in my nature. And, quite frankly, a blog with this topic really needs to be a frivolous blog, because if you dig too deep into anything it becomes depressing. It should have a positive, happy, frivolous, wonderful tone, and it doesn’t. It doesn’t because I don’t. And I don’t see any way out of this.
So I have some difficult choices to make, and I’m not quite sure how they’re going to shape out. Do I want to rename this blog when I move it? Do I want to change the focus? Do I want to stop blogging, or do I want to just give in to my nature and make it more of a philosophical blog? What do I want to do?
So at the very least I need to rethink what I’m doing here, because whatever I’m doing here is fucking stupid.
I think I am going to stop posting until I figure it out. I’ll start again once I’ve brought the new site up. It may or may not continue to be on this domain. If it isn’t, I’ll redirect. And I guess we can take it from there.
Those of you who are still reading, thanks for reading.